I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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