True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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