Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
