i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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