I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
