I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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