i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
