This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
