The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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