the condom got lost in my hair
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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