i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
