In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
