rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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