look no pants
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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