420 ftw
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
