Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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