im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish you could order shots online.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
