she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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