I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
