the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
