i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize