Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
