Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
