your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
