Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
