Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize