I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
