so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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