I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
