Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
