Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
