If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
