How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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