your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
this is an emotional support booty call
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
