Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
