take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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