trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
