I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
