Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
