p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
