brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
