I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
