There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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