just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
