We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
