i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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