is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
