I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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