all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
