I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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