If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
