the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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