I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
