we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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