Im at strip club and am horny
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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