Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
