Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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