never play flip cup with pint glasses
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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