after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
