she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
