Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
