birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
