last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
