my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize