I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
