GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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