You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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