he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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