Christians are straight up FREAKS
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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