I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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