i permit you to call me
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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