Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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