i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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